However you decide to go about proposing mediation or collaborative divorce, it is important to convey to your spouse your willingness to consider his or her point of view on whether, when, how, and with whom to start the process. This sets the stage for successful negotiations once you get started. Here are seven simple rules to remember:

Do your homework. Find out about mediation or collaboration, how it works, what it costs, and who offers it in your area. Read a book. Talk to people knowledgeable about mediation and collaboration.

Do give neutral reasons to mediate or collaborate. Point out that mediation or collaboration is inexpensive for both of you and that it will help you come up with a fair and amicable settlement.

Do offer to share information. Tell your spouse what you’ve learned about mediators or collaborative lawyers in your area. If you have brochures or other printed materials from potential mediators or collaborative professional groups, offer copies to your spouse.

Do give your spouse choices. Demonstrate your willingness to be flexible from the beginning by asking your spouse’s opinion about your proposal. If you are proposing mediation, provide a list of several mediators to choose from, and ask your spouse to suggest a mediator.

Click here for more tips on how to propose mediation or collaborative divorce to your spouse.